In the moment when eyes meet between two people,
Heartbeats merge the distance and connect you and me.
Eyes that seem to know more than you let on,
a smile that seems to show more than what you say.
My many fears suddenly crop up when I approach.
Fear of the tears I’ve collected in my heart.
How I wish my heart spoke louder than my lips.
How I wish hearts could have dialogues of their own
so that I could tell you everything I couldn’t say.

“Say, would you like to take a walk with me today?”

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Writing a story that has yet to be told

Staring down the roadwing

I bound towards the green glow with gusto. I pedal with all my might, not knowing when the traffic light will turn. Time is ticking. Curve around the impatient Ford Ranger waiting to go. Steer away from the big Dobermann barking across the street. Smile and say “Hi!” to its owner. It’s something I do every day, yet each bike ride is a new experience. As I head to unknown places, I absorb each landscape to build upon my ever-changing biography.

When I was younger, my family rarely took vacations or went anywhere. My days were spent at home doodling dragons in the sky and joining Bilbo’s procession through the Misty Mountains. Through my bedroom window, I would count airplanes and chronicle the life story of the people who walked by.  My room was a safe sanctuary where I could travel around the world in 80 seconds and still be home in time for dinner.

The world was so small.

The world was so small, but as I grew up, I took liberties to open it wider. Rather than write fiction about other people, I wanted to narrate my own adventure. My dreams for my own adventure came together this summer: I challenged myself to bike to all 23 San Jose Branch Libraries. Although I was afraid of being on my own in foreign streets, I biked on them anyway. I biked fifteen miles from South San Jose to downtown. I biked in 100 degree weather and in the frigid morning air. I threw myself into the world to find out what I would learn from my own adventure.img_2130

I met some of the nicest people on my journey: the strong man who helped put my bike on the lightrail rack, the deaf woman who gave me directions, the friendly jogger who replied, “Hello! How are you?!” I also endured the harshness of others: the rude driver who honked at me and cut me off, the drunk pedestrian who yelled at me to get off the sidewalk, and even the no-faced thief who stole my blue bike with the pink lock and tattered basket. Unconfined to my small room, I discovered my life to be an uncharted map.

linh    The more roads I travel, the more open-minded I become to different people in my community. The light is green as long as I’m willing to pass it. As I explore more pathways in college, I will gain even more knowledge on people and their behaviors. Even as I bike down the street, I sometimes shirk from my responsibility, different people, and impatient cars, but overcoming that fear of the outside world is also part of the experience.  Now, I don’t see the world through a pane-glass window. Now, it is through my knowledge of people I encounter and my experiences that steer toward the outline of my story.

 


This is my personal statement that I wrote for my college application and I’m not surprised at how much I still resonate with each sentence I wrote back in high school. Everything as it is now: my want for adventure, my love of learning through people and places I go, my everyday biking experience – it is all unchanged. In learning sociology, I think I am able to gain the knowledge in understanding human experience and learning more about the outside world in general. There is so much to learn, yet so little time. I sometimes feel this way: I want to learn. I want to improve. I want to sleep. I want to be still. It is hard to satisfy all these things in the time being. As of now I am forgoing sleep and catching up on Durkheim to write this post.

A drama once told me this quote.

The truth is always painful,

that’s why I sometimes close my eyes in front of the truth.

 

Perhaps I am turning like that. Biking along, I see things in the world that are not right. I see people getting hurt, people being scared, people unable to move forward. And I, though my heart hurts, I am still. This whole time I was biking. I never got off. And stopped.

I think it was because I was on a bicycle that was fully pumped. Pumped with faith, love, friends, family. I saw others on bicycles that would crash into cars and bicycles that would even be stolen. Personally I’ve had 9 bicycles stolen, but every time, I would have a new one to ride. (My thanks, Steak) When you are riding a bicycle, it is not easy to stop, for it is so fun to ride. When you get used to riding a bicycle, it is hard to walk because you are itching to ride again.

I must start learning to walk again. And feel how it is for others to walk, instead of bike. 

Once a word is spoken, it cannot be taken back. That girl has given and received her share of pain. One word is all it takes to ruin a friendship, an acquaintance. One word to make friends back into strangers again. The bonds between humans are so fragile, like a spider’s silk, one stroke of a hand and it slips away. That girl is afraid of losing friends. People come and go, but they are never forgotten. Even more so with the bitter endings. It is those scars that sting her the most, right in the heart, forever unhealed.

The one word that should be said, should have been said long ago, is like a bubble in her throat waiting to burst but once popped, will cause her to choke and convulse in tears and guilt. Once again, in front of that person, she remains mute, the words in her mouth escaping at the rapid speed of time.

Merry Christmas

One of the greatest songs I know that never fails to subdue me to tears like a big baby is “Itsuka no Merry Christmas” by B’z. It’s a pretty old Japanese song but it’s so touching.

This is a cover by Gackt and Ayumi Hamasaki, two Japanese artists I just looove.

Eng lyrics from Crepuscula:

 

The lamps of December have begun to light up slowly
And everyone without exception start liking the busily dancing city

I ran and made it to the store before it closed and bought the stool that you
longed for Hugging it, inside the subway, I felt happiness all over me

I felt that we’re always gonna be together with our hands in each other’s
While everything is sparkling brightly, I run after my dream freely
There will be a day when we share happiness or unhappiness, or all of it
Thinking about it, I had a smile on my face
On that blurred colorful Merry Christmas once upon a time

I sang all the way while walking along the path
Closer to home, I started to walk faster
When I opened the door I saw you busily preparing our dinner

Proudly I showed you your present
And you are pleased from the heart
Seeing your happy face, once again, I couldn’t resist hugging you

I felt that we’re always gonna be together with our hands in each other’s
While everything is sparkling brightly, I run after my dream freely
It was the first time ever that I start to feel afraid about losing you
I truly realized what loving someone really means
On that Merry Christmas once upon a time

While watching lights illuminating our room
“Let’s never ever be parted” I said
And soon afterwards, not knowing clearly why, I was suddenly in tears

Standing by myself now, all around me are people who walk by fast
Everyone hugging presents with such happy faces

 

~~~
I don’t know why but it’s just SO SAD.

Shopping, Eating, and Bonding!

Sooo today I went shopping with my sister…again. xD And we found some good stuff, at Ross. Good, cheap stuff. Like these pastel pink pants. I found out that I can fit a size 1! Painfully, that is. So I went with the size 5.

And then after that, we went to eat actual sushi at Cha Cha Sushi. I have to say, it’s better than I expected and a bit O-O than I expected.

You see that yellow squishy stuff in the top right? That’s uni (sea urchin). BUT HARVEST MOON TOLD ME THEY WERE SPIKY AND BLUE!

Apparently not. Well I liked the salmon and the yellowtail. Sushi was an interesting experience. You guys should try it when you have the money.

Well, I had a fun day with my sister. It feels good to see her after so long. Makes me remember that I’m not an only child 😉

Good work, Good times, and Good luck!

Today was a calm, breezy, typical day.

YESSS I finally finished 50% of my summer English 3AP homework today! 2 for Linh: 0 for procrastination, well 1 for procrastination. I really need to start my driver’s ed…

On the other hand, today I showed my dad this little trinket I bought in San Francisco. You have to maneuver the little metal pieces somehow, without using force, to free the little silver thing from being stuck.

Nice father and daughter bonding time. We spent like 2 hours on this thing. 2 hours? We were all so absorbed in it that we didn’t even notice that burnt fishy smell from the kitchen! It took dad only one hour but he got it. Me? uhmm… let’s just get to the pictures.

He gave me some HINTS to solving it, but really I just did whatever and BAM!! I really did it!

And my…pathetic attempt to put the silver thing back… Well! I bought like three of these so they should keep me preoccupied for a while 😉

Anyways, it’s the middle of July. One more month and we’re all off to school again. Oh jolly! My friend’s taking a chem class in college so he is actually going to take a prep course on it before school starts. I never knew you had to! I hope this friend does well. If he does, I’ll feel better about myself xD

I hope everyone is proud of their good work, is having a good time with family, and I wish you good luck all in your endeavors!

Bored :/

I just quit facebook yesterday. Why? Because it’s a drug. I can’t stop going on it! I felt too attached, so I told my friend to change my password and deactivate the account for 49 days.

It’s only been 24 hours but why do I feel so EMPTY WITHOUT IT?! What a sad teenager I am. Well, it’s only facebook. I can live without it.

So… do you guys drink tea? Cuz, whenever I drink tea, I make myself a huge glass and I NEVER finish it (I only drank like… half of what I made). Maybe that’s why they serve tea in cups and not … well.That.

And after drinking tea (this kind was Echinacea) I almost always feel so thirsty. Isn’t THAT ironic….o.O

ok randomness over. Hope everyone’s enjoying their summer! It’s going by fast so appreciate the calm of summer before the storm that is school! T-T I need to finish my summer homework…